The Ty-Rade: Saying goodbye and giving sage advice

By: Ty Wilson, Staff Writer

It is going to be hard to write this without sobbing all over my keyboard, but I have to power through. This is my last Tyrade, and I’ve been reminiscing on all my previous columns and tomfoolery on campus. I’m shocked I didn't receive more Letters to the Editor this year. Maybe I should have been a little more rebellious in my writing, but there's nothing I can do now.

Or is there?

Enough of the sad sack commentary from me. It’s about time I go into full Tyrade mode and do what I was put on the planet to do.

There are so many problems at Newman, it's hard to narrow it down a short list that can fit into one article. Let's start with the fact there is mold growing in the vents of Carocci Hall. You read that right: mold. Every freshman reading this should drop everything and go find out if you have spores growing inside you. Unfortunately these probably aren't the mushrooms that will make you grow like Mario or the kind that take you on a psychedelic adventure.

Next up are security issues. Now, I know Mo is doing all that he can, but he’s only one man. It is entirely too easy for strangers to make their way into our dorms and other buildings. I for one find it easy to go unnoticed due to the lack of cameras. Now imagine if I were a deranged lunatic. It’s about time Newman coughed up some spare change and put together a security task force to patrol the grounds. I think Jets for Justice has a great ring to it.

As a student living in a mold-infested dorm in a building under constant threat of invasion from criminals, you might want some comfort food in the cafeteria to take your mind off of it all. Lucky for you, Great Western Dining makes sure that you and your fellow Jets have a wide variety of food to choose from, including staples such as overcooked chicken, soupy mashed potatoes and salad that came out of the plastic bag that very day. Freshness may not be the dining center’s first priority, but hey, neither is taste.

Well there it is people: For the last time I am stepping down from my soap box and retiring from the Tyrade. It was a great run that I never imagined would have happened. I had the opportunity to write some fun and entertaining stories. Thankfully, Newman is chock-full of things to complain about, making this job that much easier.

PHOTO: Courtesy photo, Unsplash