The Ty-Rade: The hidden perks of being a Newman Jet

By: Ty Wilson, Staff Writer

Just the other day, I was pumping some iron at the Genesis Health Club on West Central and had a revelation: I wouldn't even be allowed inside if it weren't for Newman securing a membership for all of its students.

Normally, I tend to focus on all the bad things that Newman does and how it can be better. But let's flip the script. What are some of the perks of being a Newman Jet?

As I mentioned before, a free membership to Genesis is a fantastic perk. It offers a professional space for fitness and leisure time with friends as well as the opportunity to meet new people. There is a wide range of members who frequent Genesis, too: everyone from “’roided out” bodybuilders to soccer moms still trying to work off that freshman 15 from 1997. These are individuals who are full of character and who are role models that Newman wants you to look up to.

Aside from Genesis and its amenities, Newman offers plenty of hidden perks to its students, perks that can’t always be seen at first glance. For example, letting people outside of Newman rummage through our vehicles and take our valuables for themselves.

This random occurrence can be so shocking that it's hard to appreciate the value in the situation. College students tend to have messy cars, so think of this thievery as more of a free car cleaning. Except instead of taking out loose trash and water bottles, they are taking wallets and backpacks filled with all of your school essentials.

Look, you probably were putting off cleaning your car anyway, so grab a pen and jot down a short thank you note to your beloved burglar.

If these perks alone are not making you feel proud to be a Jet, hold onto your hats. With the buildings on campus being so old and dilapidated, there seems to be a healthy amount of mold in the walls and ceilings. Even if you haven’t noticed it yet, your body has slowly been filling up with spores, likely making you immune to much worse things than COVID-19. Immunity to mold is a mighty fine thing to have on your resume, especially if you’re pursuing a career in water damage restoration.

While I was only able to detail a few perks of life at Newman, just know the list is nearly endless. I didn't even get into how easy it is to talk to your dorm mates through the paper-thin walls. You don’t even have to leave the comfort of your bed to have a quick and easy chat.

Newman is full of surprise perks. You just have to keep your eyes open and your mouth closed. You know, because of the mold.

Photo: Courtesty Photo, University Relations