By: Ty Wilson, Staff Writer
From the dawn of humanity, mankind has set out to discover more and more about their surroundings and how they can expand their horizons. In that time, many discoveries have been made regarding the pairing of certain things.
And they’ve learned during that time that many things do not pair well: things like the Aztec Empire and smallpox or my columns and the entire female population of Newman. Any way you look at it, though, bad combinations must exist so that we can appreciate the good ones, which now makes me realize that college baseball players, Miley Cyrus and powder cannons don’t mix well.
Which brings me to last week’s Lip Sync Battle at Newman.
If you’ve been living under a rock for the past week, you would have missed your opportunity to see the Lip Sync Battle, which went down Wednesday in Fugate Gymnasium. The competition this year was fierce, and there wasn’t much room for error. This is the first year where the judges were actually scoring teams based on choreography, not just on the amount of hip thrust teams put into their performances.
The lineup consisted of five teams. Some were dancers, some were roommates, and some brought Ian Lecki in a tank top. The night was filled with surprises at every turn as well as walking tacos shelled out by the dozens.
To my surprise, I found the dances to be a lot more risque than I had expected. You would assume since we all attend a Catholic university that the performances would be appropriate enough that God wouldn't smite us. I was really surprised by the Asian Student Association’s Magic-Miked-up performance, which included more gyrating than lip syncing. (The team finished last with the judges but won People's Choice.)
In the end, it came down to the Fugate Firestarters, a team made up of two of Newman’s finest, Alondra Torres and Julia Meyers, vs. some of Newman’s more colorful baseball players performing under the team name “The Chicky Sandwiches.” The Chicky’s were made up of Jenner Steele, Crae Pfannestiel, Ian Lecki, Thomas Ford, and Coach Hunter Williams.
In choreography, I had to give it to the girls for their well thought out dance and planning. It was clear that they had something to prove. While the boys were enthusiastic, you could tell they had just put together their routine in the parking lot before they walked in.
However, what they lacked in planning, they made up for with sheer spirit. As “Wrecking Ball” by Miley Cyrus was booming through the gymnasium speakers, the Chicky’s took their performance to the students by climbing into the stands. I will admit I was nervous once they came barrelling into the bleachers. But who wouldn't be a little uneasy about Jenner Steele bull rushing them? The dude is built like Shrek.
I knew that the winning team would need that X-Factor to come out on top. But would it be the Firestarters with their excellent music mix and planning or the Chicky’s with their powder cannons and daisy dukes?
The suspense was building as the votes were coming in, and right when we were about to find out the point differential, the emcee butchered her words and gave away first place to the Firestarters without the proper climax.
It was a rather depressing end to an otherwise eventful night of gyrating and slackjaw singing. But I still have questions: Will my eyes ever recover from Ian Lecki’s blindingly white arms? Did the Asian Student Association get snubbed on purpose to avoid a repeat champion? Will the powder from the cannons ever come up off the gymnasium floor? Find out all this and more next week on Ty-rade.
PHOTO: Courtesy photo, Unsplash