The Ty-Rade: Move over Jetspys, the Tyrades are here

By: Ty Wilson, Staff Writer

As most of you know, the annual Jetspy awards are this week. This is the one time of the year where every team at Newman comes together to celebrate each other and their accomplishments.

Many of you may not know that the first annual Tyrade Awards are also taking place this very same week. The Tyrades are here to recognize some of Newman’s finest students and faculty members. Every person up for an award was nominated solely by yours truly, as my opinion is the only one that really matters.

But since this is the first installment of The Tyrades, I thought I would give you a sneak preview of what to expect by recognizing a few winners.

The first Tyrade up for grabs is the “Get Out of Jail Free Card” award. This award recognizes an individual who could easily get you out of some legal trouble in a pinch. And the winner is, drum roll please, Professor Joe McElroy. After taking McElroy’s legal environment of business class, I realized this guy knows a lot about the law. If I ever needed a lawyer in a snap, he would be at the top of my list of people to call. Whether he would answer the call is the real question. I’ll put it this way: I wasn't exactly his star pupil.

The next Tyrade goes to Dr. Marguerite Regan, who easily takes the “I Have So Much Energy, I Could Probably Run a Marathon at Any Given Moment” award. Dr. Regan always brings a level of hype to the classroom, something that I wouldn’t expect at 8 in the morning. I think all students should strive to have as much pep in their step as she does. Not only is it awe inspiring, it's downright impressive.

This next Tyrade recipient has plenty of pep in his step, which is why he is the winner of the “Jiggy Jet” award. Jack Kiser is a freshman on the baseball team, and boy does he have some moves. The first time I witnessed this was at the popular hangout spot Mexico Viejo. The mariachi band was playing and filling the room with authentic Mexican music when all of a sudden, J. Kiser was hitting that griddy like his life depended on it. There was plenty of hoopin’ and hollerin’, and for good reason. I felt like I was watching an episode of “Dancing With the Stars,” only with less glitter and more margaritas.

Finally, I’m naming an honorable mention winner for the Patience is a Virtue award. That would go to Elly Bertholf, my lovely girlfriend. The fact that she reads these columns and still thinks I’m honorable is a miracle. It really goes to show that even we heathens can find love. Tune in this coming week for the rest of the awards. You won’t want to miss who wins the “I Stole My Roommate's Credit Card and Almost Got Away With It” award.

PHOTO: Courtesy photo, Unsplash