Hot takes: Newman community talks, and I talk back

By: Ryan Morrissey, Guest Writer

Recently, I went fishing for hot takes at Newman. I sent out an email with a Google Survey for people to fill out with their strongest opinions that popular opinion may not support.

This is a compilation of the hot takes I was able to gather during this experiment. Also, I deemed it my duty to judge said hot takes, and my comments are in italics.

By the way: There is no rhyme or reason for any of this other than pure entertainment.

“College sports are more entertaining than pro sports.”

Yeah, Newman sports are a lot more entertaining to watch since I found out the NFL is scripted.

“Pizza isn’t good.”

Okay bye Felicia. Go worship communism somewhere else.

“Bullying should be brought back. Some people need it.”

It's an epidemic. Ever since the anti-bullying campaign started, I have had the ultimate displeasure of seeing an increasingly alarming number of people who think that their actions have no consequences.

“Baseball is the hardest sport to succeed in.”

Have you seen old people play pickleball before? Not only are they competing against each other, but they are up against gravity, time, and the heart meds they forgot to take that morning. You should educate yourself before making such bold and uninformed statements.

“Carrocci freshmen are more responsible with their laundry than Fugate residents.”

I agree because in Carrocci, everyone can share laundry detergent and not make a giant deal about it.

“Top Gun is one of the worst movies of all time. The only reason it is popular is because of the diehard cult following who enjoy bad dialogue and terrible writing.”

I'm not saying you are right or wrong but what I will ask is, were the grippy socks fun to wear?

“Hot dogs are sandwiches and cereal is a soup.”

Oh yeah, you are totally right on that one, and next you will tell me the meth heads on campus need to become our new mascot and show up to sporting events.

“My hot take young boy is better point blank period.”

Herd dat. Had to walk a whole lotta miles to get here.

“Michael Jordan was a better basketball player than Lebron James.”

Lebron is not seen as a score-first kind of player and is the NBA’s all-time leading scorer while being top 10 all-time in numerous other categories including assists and 3 pointers made.

“Pineapple on pizza is the best.”

You strike me as someone who watches Cocomelon before you go to bed each night.

“The hardest thing in this world is being a Dallas Cowboys fan.”

I don’t know. Talking smack constantly about nonsense all the time seems like a pretty easy thing to do.

“Chick-fil-A sauce is better than Cane’s sauce.”

The Newman caf needs to start drenching their cigarette- flavored food in Chick-fil-A sauce so it might be edible.

“Chick-fil-A and Cane’s sauce are terrible.”


“Eating ice is disgusting.”

It’s literally frozen water. Get over yourself. Try new things and touch some grass.

“Most of us would have a pet tiger if we could.”

Absolutely not. The only kind of exotic pet I will ever own is a chinchilla. Those things are absolutely adorable and can be purchased at the exotic pet store just outside of Newman’s campus.

“Hot dogs dipped in apple sauce.”

You strike me as someone that has 0 rizz, is from Ohio, and bathes in hot dog water.

“Dietary restrictions are not personality traits.”

The girls that get, get it.

PHOTO: Courtsey Photo, Unsplash