By KJ Burns, Staff Writer
When junior Nash Fitzgerald went through a breakup this semester, he had two choices. He could let the sadness slow him down, or he could try to focus on himself and move on.
He chose the second option.
Chances are, either you or someone you know has gone through or will go through a breakup in college. But there are ways to appropriately and healthily handle a breakup and find yourself again.
The first thing Fitzgerald did after his relationship came to an end was straightforward.
“I had to do a lot of self reflection,” he said, “on not only myself but overall (on) the relationship.”
At the end of that reflection, he was left questioning how he should move forward. Then came the decision.
“I could have really soaked in sadness and maybe even become depressed,” he said. “Or, I had to choose to better myself so I was able to move on.”
Fitzgerald began setting goals. He started going to the gym more often with the intent of losing weight and also altered his diet.
In the end, he lost 12 pounds in a month, which he said made him happy and helped him feel more self confident.
Most importantly, he said, during the uncertainty that came with his breakup, accomplishing goals in the gym and eating cleaner gave him something steady.
“I had something that I could control and see the benefits in,” he said.
Newman Assistant psychology professor Whitney Burke said she understands why breakups in college can feel especially overwhelming.
“It depends on the individual,” Burke said. “There’s certain social norms and expectations that add pressure on students.”
When students go to college, they are not only getting to know themselves but also discovering their independence and working toward their futures.
“You’re finding out your identity of yourself as your own person,” Burke said.
Dealing with a breakup just adds one more thing to all of that.
Relationships in college often become deeply intertwined with a person’s everyday life, Burke
said. Couples can share classes, friend groups, dining halls and study schedules. When all of this abruptly ends, the separation that follows isn’t just emotional.
“It can affect your day-to-day and who you hang out with,” Burke said.
Unlike during other stages of life, college students can’t always distance themselves from their exes. They might still see them in class, around campus or at events.
“You’re exposed to the yuck more,” she said.
With constant exposure on top of other stressors, it can become harder to move on, especially when students are already overwhelmed.
“There’s already a lot on students’ plates,” Burke said, pointing to academics, jobs, athletics and extracurriculars. “Our brains are like, ‘Woah, one more thing. That’s a lot,’” she said.
Burke suggested something that might sound difficult: accepting the grief process.
“Recognize and give yourself patience and grace for that process,” she said. “It’s unrealistic to expect yourself to just snap out of it.”
Regardless, how students cope during that process is critical.
Burke said it’s easy to slip into what she calls “maladaptive coping mechanisms,” or things that feel good in the moment but make things worse later.
“Doom scrolling, the binge watching, the eating all the sweets…” Burke said.
Rather than falling into those habits, she suggests focusing on the basics.
Getting enough sleep, staying hydrated, eating healthy and spending time in nature are all healthy coping mechanisms, she said.
Burke also emphasized the importance of connection.
“Lean on your village,” she said. “Just surrounding yourself with your people.”
Fitzgerald said that even after feeling hurt or disrespected, one experience doesn’t define everything.
“Doesn’t mean life is over and everyone is bad,” he said. “Every experience matters and shapes you to become the best possible person you can be.”
Burke agreed with that idea.
“Taking time to heal isn’t just about yourself. It’s about future relationships, too,” she said.
It may be tempting to jump right back into dating, but Burke suggested taking time first.
“If you aren’t fully healed … you may be shortchanging that new person,” she said.
She also warned against a common misconception: that someone else will fix everything.
“If I find the right person they’re gonna fix me,” she said, describing the mindset. “That can lead
to trouble.”
While working toward goals in the gym and improving his diet, Fitzgerald said he found more than just physical progress.
Those habits became part of something bigger: rebuilding himself.
“I basically wanted to work on myself,” he said. “So that overall, whenever I do meet someone new, I can go in with a better mindset and deeper appreciation for somebody.”
PHOTO: Vantage Staff
